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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| it's funny how random and sudden happiness can appear.
sometimes you're running so fast you can't even tell if your feet are really moving or if it's just a figment of your imagination.
rather than stop, slowdown, or try to find out, lets instead keep moving along.
and hope, even if it's all a dream, that this will all be reality.
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| i feel like a shitty person.
i think, throughout the years, i've been one of the most blessed and lucky guy to have walked on this earth.
i have a mom that loves me, friends that are truly one of a kind, great mentors, i never had to worry about being hungry or no roof over my head.
but i feel it's all gone over my head. i still have all those things, but i feel like a shitty person.
how many friends have i let slip away, lost touch... how many people have i hurt... how many things, could I have done better.. if only i was a little strong.. a lot stronger.
it sucks. when you realize that the actions you've done could. can. did. hurt those close to you... the ignorance and naivety of youth is forever lost in me. We live in a world where simple apologies don't make up for lost times and lost friendships.
I guess I have never been good at explaining myself or knowing who I am. Happy go lucky. But things worked out alright, and i never had to worry about repercussions. but as i get older, as life's daunting questions and paths are inevitably approaching... I find myself with as answer-less now than I ever was. At least, back then, I could have blamed my ignorance. Now, I just blame myself.
I really don't know what I am doing with my life, where I am going, what my role in this world is. that's another issue.
but right now, I don't even know what my role within my life is. Who am I to my friends... and how have I affected them... Have I made their lives better, or just been another anchor in their weight of issues.
I guess I miss being young, when there was more to life and friendship that was uncharted... when I can just smile and hope that would make things okay. Where the situation gave me the potential answers and things I needed. I think I outlived that option... Now, As I get older, things become more stagnant, more isolated...
I don't know where I'm going with this. God, it's clear skies, sunny day, and I'm as emo as ever. i'm 21 and still a child. I feel like a shitty person.
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| when was the last time I truly connected with someone?
god it's been awhile.
how did i become so anti-social? so inclusive? so...out of touch.....
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| how do you finish a chapter if the wind keeps blowing the pages back?
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| i'm so fucking hurt.
i dont even know what to do or where am i supposed to go.
i want to reach out, but this is just an internal struggle.
my only hope is that it's not eternal.
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